I'm not sure if I am a cinephile, but I am a film student and I adore film in three capacities. I love the aesthetic, the theory and meaning viewers search for, and the social atmosphere that cinema creates.
To begin, lets talk of my childhood to college, and of how I became so enthralled with cinema. Unfortunately it began with Disney. When I was small I used to watch Disney films all the time and then proceeded to watch, rather inaptly, the AMC movies and shows that my parents would watch on the Tele. I loved the idea of being sucked into another world and shown someone else's story from a personal point of view. I especially enjoyed westerns with my mother. She always had a crush on the lead character and it would drive my father batty. But over the years the Tele scenario continued after my parents split up and I lived with my mother until college. My mother and I would watch TV shows and movies in the evenings, gradually more so in the high school years. She still loved her cowboys. And we both loved the idea of watching a book unfold through chapters in the form of TV episodes each week. One we especially loved was “Gilmore Girls” because it modeled our relationship somewhat.
In High School I began to go to movies with friends more frequently and loved the big screen, the beauty of the colors, the emotional "cadenced movement" (Epstein, 243) that made me adore the cinema so dearly. The primary appreciation though, was that of camaraderie and friendship that commenced post viewing. After films my friends and I would adjourn to either get dinner or someone's house and hang out, but inevitably we would talk about the film we just saw. In cases where it was too late and it was time to go home, we would end up talking about it during class that next day and/or week.
As College began, ventures to the theatre were few, only due to the fact that I didn’t have as many close friends and I was also just getting used to College life in general. But as that first year progressed, movies became to start up again. Some of my friends in Porter and I drudged up our VHS Disney movies and had Disney Days in the lounges with the VHS players that were already there. Sophomore year I lived in the University Inn near downtown, so I ended up going to see movies a lot, plus I would visit my boyfriend back home and go see movies there too. The films then were more about the experience and just the social scene then about what they mean etc. But by the end of Sophomore year, I started going with some of my fellow film majors and the conversations got lively and I realized I really did like film a great deal. So now, I try and go as much as possible, but funds are tight and so are my friends pockets. Although, when we do get it together and go see a film, the experience rocks my world.
It isn’t just the social adventure anymore, its more about the whole package that comes with it: the people, the film, and what we think/talk about afterwords. The cinema is about all three things for me, not just the films themselves, but what goes on before, during and after the film. Also, its about what happens to me personally, emotionally and mentally due to the film.
To illuminate what I mean about the aesthetic of film let me elaborate here. One more recent film I saw was "the Curious Case of Benjamin Button" which some of my friends weren't as jazzed about it as I was. Its just that the color scheme, filmography, acting and special effects were so beautiful to me. From her dancing in Broadway shows to his scenes as a teen looking like an old man on a tugboat in a huge storm, or dealing with war submarines. The cinematography and story combined to make me a very pleased viewer.
I have to disagree strongly with Henri Langlois in respect to cinema versus silent cinema, I mean I understand how sound can ruin the splendor of the original, but sound and color are just so amazing to me I couldn't let them go for anything in the world. It probably has something to do with the fact that I began with color and sound ingrained into the films I saw, and his first experience with cinema was the silent film. But the splendor and interaction that is a film made with sound and color is just so grand. Going back to when I watched Disney films, the part I loved most was learning the songs and singing along. The audience participation bit that I created in my living room with my Tele gave me so much pleasure that I would dance as well. How is that not an amazing cinematic moment? This means that not all phenomenal cinematic moments actually occur in a theatre.
But returning to the point, and moving on, lets talk about the theory and meaning of cinema and what it means to me. What I love about film courses at the university is that the films we watch always have some background meaning or message to them. Not all Hollywood blockbusters have that. So when I watch a Hollywood film, I look for the meaning or message, and value the movie based on how important I deem that message to be. Generally the messages depicted in recent Hollywood films aren't that deep or important. But, instead, they entertain. In some cases this is a tragedy, but in others it makes for a very pleasing exciting story line. Or at least, it shows how great the cinematographer's skill set was. How can you go wrong with the "Bourne Identity" type film with that exciting of editing?
Meaning in film effects me emotionally a lot of the time, especially if in any way at all, I have some sort of similar experience under my belt. Studying the theory behind that meaning is just so fascinating though. The emotion is still there, but its simmered down a bit. And the maze of meaning begins. Thinking and theorizing about why a shot was made like this, or how the director tried to communicate what that shot needs to imply is just so interesting that the maze continues. And then, to make matters even more interesting, to theorize about theorists in film course knocks my socks off. Trying to figure out what made Langlois so obsessed with film, or how he came up with the theories he did, even if I don't agree with him, can take up a whole afternoon!
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the social after effect of the cinematic experience continues to be what I'm most passionate for, and lust after. Its gotten to the point where I want to see a movie with friends, but they say that they've no money anymore after all the other films we've seen. The camaraderie and joyous adventure that is the process of going on a cinematic outing with friends still excites me to no end. As Delluc put it, its the "social art form" that I adore so deeply. And the creative types that make up my friends add so much more fun and beauty to the experience that the general idea of the cinematic outing is transformed into something unique and organic. Something always changing and forming into different scenarios.
Regardless of how hard that is to understand, the unique organic art form of going to the theatre is different and evident for everyone in our society. We all go see movies. Its just the people, and the film equation that is always constant. The giggling, joking atmosphere that our society has conformed to committing is something that I hope continues in the future. Maybe the films and people will change, but the basic structure will remain.
I guess to conclude, I am a cinephile, but one that enjoys the social cinema outing the most, not the theorizing or the fact and data amassing techniques. I love the cinema because the cinema loves me. The cinema loves me because it gives me theatre, in which combining films and friends can meet to form my adored unique, organic equation.
Works Cited
Jean Epstein, “the Senses 1(b)” and “On Certain Characteristics of Photogenie”
Louis Delluc, “Beauty in the Cinema” and “The Crowd.”
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